Use precise geolocation data. Select personalised content. Create a personalised content profile. Measure ad performance. Select basic ads. Create a personalised ads profile. Select personalised ads. Apply market research to generate audience insights. Measure content performance. Develop and improve products. List of Partners vendors. Information presented in this article may be triggering to some people. If you are having suicidal thoughts, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at for support and assistance from a trained counselor.
If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database. If you have been diagnosed with a mood disorder like major depression, bipolar disorder, or another mental health disorder you may have experienced symptoms such as passively wishing you were dead, actively beginning to plan your death, or becoming absorbed with thoughts of dying.
Preoccupation with death can be a symptom of depression and other mental illnesses. Here's why having a mental health condition can make you have these feelings and what you can do to address them. Having suicidal thoughts suicidal ideation is a hallmark symptom of major depression and depressive episodes in bipolar disorder.
Suicidal ideation can be passive thinking about death often but not acting on these thoughts or active making plans to act on your suicidal thoughts. Passive suicidal ideation involves thinking about death to a marked degree. These thoughts may take the form of imagining yourself dead or wishing you were dead.
You may have these thoughts without feeling the urge to act on them. They may be expressing embarrassment or exasperation in a "joking" manner.
However, someone who is depressed may use these words to convey that they are not coping well—and this is no joke. If someone in your life suggests or states that they wish they were dead, always take them seriously. Passive suicidal ideation can quickly become active. A person's thoughts usually have elements of both passive and active suicidal ideation —often with no clear separation.
Being aware of where you are on the spectrum between passive and active can give you insight into how well you are coping with and managing your mental health.
With active suicidal ideation, "I wish I were dead" progresses to thoughts or plans for following through on those feelings. The progression from thinking to planning can be spurred on by a number of factors, such as stressful life events or the flux of your mental illness symptoms. Suicidal thoughts are most often caused by the culmination of these factors, which leaves you feeling trapped, overwhelmed, and out of control. You may feel guilty and as though you are a burden to others.
You may be hopeless and convinced that your life will never get better. Risk factors for completing suicide include:. Whether or not you have made a plan for suicide, the thoughts associated with active suicidal ideation must be taken seriously. Research shows that decision-making processes are altered when someone attempts suicide. I felt selfish as I typed it, thinking about all of the people who had been suicidal, worrying that I was being disrespectful to those who had actually lost their lives that way.
I also wondered whether I was just being dramatic. But I pressed enter anyway, desperate to find an answer for what I was feeling. To my surprise, I was met with search after search of the exact same question. There were so many other people feeling the exact same way.
But I still felt what I felt. I felt distant from the world and from myself; my life felt almost as though it were on autopilot. It felt like I had become separate from my own self, as though a part of me was just watching my body go through the motions.
Daily routines like getting up, making the bed, and working the day away felt almost mechanical. I was in a toxic relationship and heavily depressed. I wondered what would happen after I died. I was bombarded with intrusive thoughts, suicidal feelings, urges to hurt myself, and feelings of despair. What if I attempted to kill myself and it went wrong? What if it went right, but in the last few moments of my life I realized I had made a mistake and regretted it?
What exactly happens after I die? What happens to the people around me? Could I do that to my family? Would people miss me? And these questions would eventually lead me to the question, do I really want to die? The answer, deep down, was no. And so I held on to that to keep me going, that little glimmer of uncertainty every time I thought about ending my life.
Things had been going downhill for a long time. I had been suffering with severe anxiety caused by PTSD for several months, which had escalated to daily panic attacks. I experienced a constant feeling of dread in my stomach, tension headaches, body tremors, and nausea. It was a huge turning point, going from feeling everything at once to feeling nothing at all. He even asked me the other day, why I even bothered giving birth to him.
I managed not to say anything stupid, but in a way, he is right. A mother, who would rather sleep my life away. Part of that is my fault because I isolate and rarely leave my apt. I do my food shopping at CVS.
My son needs me more than anything and here I am crying about myself. I make myself sick. My self hatred is through the roof. At times I feel so ashamed and hate myself to the point where I feel I deserve to be buried under a pile of dirt! Kim, I feel like you wrote down my thoughts exactly. Except my son is You must make it through each day and be there for him. I often think that my son is better off without me, but who am I kidding? So I keep on putting one foot in front of the other and just think…maybe when he is an adult with a job I can die…in peace, with no guilt.
In i was diagnosed with bipolar and schizophrenia and later on i started hallucinating and its because i was in a toxic relation that drove me sad. I have been drinking a lot lately and have been suicidal but fear of God is what keeps me away from it. No friends already isolated before corona thing made me. I spent seventeen months in a state mental facility because I told my wife that I wanted to die.
My wife eventually filed for divorce. If I open my mouth, I end up back there. We all should be masters of our bodies, yet we are all still bound to whatever government that enslaves us. Im 47 and I rarely think of suicide if ever. I just think of death. What will happen to my family. Talk about a hard life???? People may have went through worse, but to me what I went through is sad,disgusting, hopeless at times.
All i can say is think of the ones you love the most. Sad mad or glad. Suicide is a plan and action, wanting to die is the stage before suicide. But if you can find 1 thing you love with all your being you wont do it. Like I said it only takes 1 love. Still want to die but wont hurt her or them like that.
Hmm what to say.. I just dont understand why I was born into this messed up world where kids like me kill themselves everyday and most adults just look away. Even if your parents did not plan you I bet you were a blessing and maybe a reason for them to continue living. I hope you find the peace you need to be able to enjoy your youth.
Small goals can help you to reach bigger goals. Good luck. I look forward to the morning after the day I die. I have written off suicide because of the stigma it would bring to my family. However, I hope for a lethal car accident, a heart attack, I would even settle for a fast acting cancer or other lethal disease. I just want to be dead. This is actually my first time googling wanting to die, but have thought it daily for over 40 years.
Lee, If you are still here, I agree completely with your comment. I too am hoping for a quick death, and soon. I hate being around people [moderated]. Exactly why is it insulting and absurd Tom? Please provide details, not a basic and hateful message as to why any add would be insulting and or absurd.
Wait till he cuts ur parents SSI. My childhood or actually part of it is complete disaster where everything managed to go wrong. Three years of my life used ruined by the closest person in child life. I was in different occasions was for blamed for thing what I never did. Old enough to have something to say and be listen to but it never happen at all.
And now I am adult at age 43, almost 44 and I feel my life is living hell in daily life. But rest of my life I have absolutely nothing to live for. No friends,no any relationship with woman and no children. Maybe I am selfish but thought on closest ones in since I moved for 31 years ago came to a point where I should be selfish, agree?
If nothing positiv happen what make change my life I will end it within start of the next year. Counting down the days to next year and within next month. Hope if someone out there have solution what I sould to do to make my life better or just should I end it instead. I would have to say I will never understand people. I should have been dead long ago. I have attempted suicide 4 or maybe 5 times. My first attempt as at age I had been molested for god knows maybe 10 or more years by my brothers.
When everyone emwas excited about school summer break I was scared to death. I never slept as a kid, I trained myself to stay awake out of fear. I had to have a light on in the hall and would stay awake fighting sleep watching that light for a shadow to appear.
I was molested during the day time when parents at work and when I tried to sleep. I screamed at night when I woke up with no clothes on and my brother running out of my room.. Out of nine siblings and 2 parents down the hall. My other siblings basically tortured me my entire life.
I was an absolutely beautiful child. I looked like a little blond angel. I remember being terrified of holidays and on christmas day I would hide behind my bed in a fetal position and cry uncontrollably. I could not bare joining my family that would ridicule me in front of everyone. I was also physically abused by my 6 brothers.
I attempted suicide my first time because my parents where getting divorced and my dad was my only hope. I sliced my wrist and the truth finally came out. After 10 or more years I was forced to tell on my brothers who threatened to kill me if I told. My mother never did. My dad put locks on my bedroom door like two of them.
My brothers broke them off. But my mother continued to not want to believe. I was destroyed inside as a child.. My brother gave me some medicine to make me sleep and I always thought the put sleeping cough medicine in my drink or food.
I would go to school nd fall asleep in class and they had to call my parents to come get me. I would cry uncontrollably at school and could not be stopped sent home. I was devastatingly shy. As an adult after 3 more attempts on my life one on a ventilator near death, I remember every attempt and never once had family support.
To this day my family all live happy lives. I was never given money. At age 15 I worked and had three paper routes pushing them in a shopping cart even on the snow, alone in the dark at 5am. How did I find this strength.. No child would have been this strong. My torture went on even after the exposure. Every summer my brother got out of college and did the same thing.
I have been told I will never be able to sleep at night like a normal person by every doctor without prescription sleeping pills. I trained myself to stay awake like a person during the war to look out for his war mates.
I was told I grew up in a war zone. To this day my family go about their lives and do not include me I holidays.
I know I will die by suicide. I recently bagged up everything so that I would not leave a mess to leave for anyone to clean up. I have a son that i love dearly, but he too suffers with bitterness from who my famimy treats me as an adult. It makes no sense. I beg for love just to see them.. Some are rich.. And you know what. I love them and they burn me.. I give my shirt off my back and give a home to friends who were broken and they burn me.
I live alone married several times. The only thing keep g me alive is my dogs and my son. I believe my son would be better off with me gone.. My last attempt was when I came ho. I took his dead body and a bottle of pills and cried myself to sleep to never wake up.
You k ow what my life portrays… The torture Jesus element through exactly.. This earth does not deserve a beautiful loving heart like mine. I even called to volunteer for holidays they had too many.. Hey Theresa u completely understand what you are going through..
Have faith in God…. Dear Theresa, Your family is made up of a bunch of toxic narcissist. You need to RUN, not walk , away from them! Forget them. Get yourself some therapy. There should be counseling available on a sliding scale in your community. Living your best life is the best revenge.
After a suicide attempt during bipolar depression my family decided to abruptly stop talking to me. I figured this out, along with other abuse, as I was coming out of the depression. I love that I get to choose what I want to do without criticism from them. My goal is no longer to please them with my complicity.
My goal is to go out and live MY best life!! I deserve it and so do you. To the commentor lynn, if you read this, i know how you feel. Screw what everyone else says. You havent done it, not because youre a leech. Its because you still have hope somewhere inside. I have it to and i hate it. I hate everyday. The endless cycle of nothingness. The endless cycle of attempts and failures, of striving to grow and only seeming to shrink or simply lose parts of yourself. But guess what.
You are special and necessary, even as you are now. The worst of us, is simple one side of the duality of life. If people like us werent here for everyone to look at and feel they had it good then the whole world would be like us.
You dont have to worry about life because it doesnt have to go on forever, but dont cut something short thats garunteed to end anyway. If nothing else, at the end of it all, maybe cynical vindications will be fullfilling in the end. And if its not, hey youll be dead and you wont care.
People try to make us feel like shit like we dont do itnto ourselves enough. They way i deal with it, i force myself wveryday to lock my emptions away from everyone. I decide that that are not allowed to my feelings and whats in me because of the way they handle everythings.
Humanity is overrated in my opinion, but thats just me. But no matter what. Of course all the things wrong with my life are wrong because I made them that way. Ever since I got into the spiritual world. Lots of bad things happen to me. When I get good signs that something good is going to happen. That I will get no help from anyone or the universe and angels.
My life has been hell. I really have nothing to live for anymore. Then when I got older my twin sister abused me and her and her kids stole from me and took advantage of me for at least twenty yrs. My sister even put her hands on me. I was so unhappy but had to deal with it. The one I wanted to be with used me and cheated on me. Even from state to state. I lost my car and everything I ever worked for. All I want to do is remove myself from this painful earth. I feel there is no need to be in the spiritual world ever again cause I know now that everyone was right.
I am on my own and no one can help me. In reality. I too have spent the majority of my life wanting to die. But i have been to pathetic to kill myself. I made lame attempts. I still want to kill myself but am sure I would fuck it up. I do cut, which helps, but even that is mostly pathetic. Hopefully soon I will get the guts and end this pointless pain. Fingers crossed. So yeah…. Please please try to get help. Hell is real. Jesus is real. This life is temporary.
Read the gospels in the bible. God can change your life. I know i wanted to kill myself too from being physically ill and in pain for 10 or more years. Just believing is a start. Thank you for reading my comment. God isnt real, he was made up to bring stupid people in line.
If god exists, ask him why the world is a cesspool… if its his will then he willed the earth to be a living Hell. And as much as it sucks and it hurts, if you follow through with it then your life just ends with nothing positive being the end result. There is so much to live for. That things are going to get better.
And they will. My email is attached to this comment. Your life has value. Your life means something, especially to me. You need to accept the things you cant not change, and change the things you can. I struggle the same as all of you, not as much as most of you, more than some of you.
God, give me grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, Courage to change the things which should be changed, and the Wisdom to distinguish the one from the other. Living one day at a time, Enjoying one moment at a time, Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace, Taking, as Jesus did, This sinful world as it is, Not as I would have it, Trusting that You will make all things right, If I surrender to Your will, So that I may be reasonably happy in this life, And supremely happy with You forever in the next.
I just cant cope with life, both my kids hate me and have broken my heart. My family have disowned me and I feel so lonely. My husband is supportive but I just feel its not enough. Ive raised the kids single handedly until I met my husband, 7 yrs ago. My daughter is 16 and has just left home stating she needs space.
I don't understand where it all went wrong. Hi, I think you should suggest family therapy to your children. My mother has been depressed for most of my childhood and is very stubborn. But she loved us unconditionally. I used to always defend her and in my eyes she could do no wrong.
She also has a hard time when I tell her about my depression because she takes it very personally thinking she failed as a mom. I do urge you to also seek individual help. Even if mine was court-ordered, it really helps.
I am worthless. I quit my job as a graphic designer because it made miserable. I have no dreams. And when I talk to my therapist S about my urge to die, they just get all outraged and make me feel guilty no, do you know how your parents would feel? I know, alright. They try so hard. I am nothing. I want it to end. First of all, your therapist sucks, get a new therapist.
Keep testing out therapists until you find one that works for you. Consider looking for younger therapists that would relate to you more. I always feel better especially when I truly open up. Second, I personally have found that medication has failed me more times than I can count. I have found that healthy and clean eating meaning if I read the ingredient list, I know everything in it , simple exercise and good sleeping habits has helped me more than any anti-depressant ever has.
That and also obviously avoiding drugs and alcohol. After that, anything seems just so much easier, even a boring job. People fail all the time, it is a natural part of life and does not define who you are whatsoever. I could go on, but you should really start with baby steps, slowly but surely. You have nothing to lose. S: This is coming from someone who wanted to punch the people during group therapies that claimed that you can cure your depression with exercise when I was in a psychiatric hospital.
To stef… When I was on 6 anti depressants including ambien.. The main thing I suffered was insomnia. This will never be fixed. But after being off medication for about 4 months I did not think about suicide. I was so mad inside thinking those medications made me want to die. I found god in the most righteous way.. So I chose to believe it had to be god that got me through. Well here I am at 50 back wanting to die. And going back to therapy. I read you had parents that basically did not support you unless I read that wrong..
I must say, in my experience family support has everything to do with survival. Do you agree? I here and read families of suicide survivor say.
I do not believe this at all. Family support can get you through so much. I had none.. I have enough guilt shame for something that was not my fault. So one thing family must know.. I thank you for everything.. I will say if drugs were apart of the problem.. They needed a strong grip from someone and they themselves needed faith..
Without faith and no family you will or may never be saved. That to me is what sounds insane. This place we live or at least this place our species turned this place into literally sucks. Let me guess? Should I focus on a touch from a lover that causes a chemical reaction in my brain? My dream since childhood was to be a mom. A doctor ruined this for me. Tested my tubes and then I got a raging infection from said test.
Lost the baby because of the infection. When I told him I wanted to die. There is only one person who listens, and I fear the effect it has on her…my mother.
Life would be easier for them if I was gone. I had major surgery 5 weeks 3. Got very sick after. My husband still thinks I should do all of the cleaning by myself. I am so tired of being sick, physically and emotionally. I am waiting to die, simply put, at 40 years old. I feel worthless, and the only person who understands is my mom.
I want to be in heaven with my baby, and my bff pup who died a year ago two days ago. I used to be the strongest person, but that person is long gone. I feel weak wanting to leave like this. But I also feel it might be the only option. It sounds like you have a lot of stressors going on right now. Your mom is a great start but how about friends or professionals?
Therapists work with people like you every day and they help people work through those painful events. I highly recommend you look into seeing a therapist. They can also connect you with local resources. One last thing, please remember that you are not weak. What you are going through has worn you down, but that only shows how strong you are, whether you can see that right now or not.
The fact that you have gotten to this place, this day, is a testament to your strength. Try to remember that. I feel lost. I have people that I love and care about but things seem to feel worthless when I go through a depressive episode.
I want you to know that trans people have a much higher rate of mental illness and suicide attempts than non-trans people. You are not alone in the struggles that you are facing even though it might feel like you are. Please know that it does get better for trans people as they get older and get a handle on their gender identity, sexuality and mental health. Please, plesae do not give up now.
Please reach out, get help and connect with others. You can reach them by phone, text or chat. Reach out. It gets better. I am completely sick of living. I cared for an ailing grandparent for years, then ailing parents. I never had time for a life, and missed out on so much. My Dad is the only one left and incapable of living on his own.
I take no joy from this world, and just want to be done. This is understandable. It sounds to me like what you need is help, not death. You need your siblings to pitch in sometimes. You need a respite. I highly recommend you look into getting homecare help and being open and getting help from your family.
I do not personally know of groups who can help with this, but I know they exist. I know it may feel helpful, but I suspect your siblings would much rather lend a hand today than have to plan your funeral tomorrow. Not just to my parents but to everyone around me. Especially not now. I do sympathize with you. I am in a similar situation. I have people that I care about and ones that care about me. I also do not want my parents to feel the void of loosing a child. My anxiety basically runs my days and my depression helps to tear me down all the time.
Imagine being anxious and depressed at the same time… Is that even possible? I smile with people around but inside I want to cry or even die on the spot. My anxiety is still taking a toll on me, my depression is always stroking my head and idk what to do anymore. That sounds really hard. I highly encourage you to talk to your healthcare providers and be totally honest and open and ask for new treatment. I am not suicidal, though my husband has abused me throughout our marriage.
He has discussed my deteriorating health, my drain on his life, his past sexual experiences and infidelity, make no me feel useless, inadequate and unworthy of life. Meanwhile, he presents a front of a caring husband to outside world. Do they not wonder why I am isolated, constantly hiding tears and signs of abuse? I am isolated from friends, his doing, living at his beck and call, all my assets sold and in his name only.
He has convinced me no one cares about me and even called the police after 2 previous incidents where he pushed me to a breakdown and tried to get me to kill myself.
I am a Christian and would never do this. In fact left messages with a friend and cousin in case I end up mysteriously dead. I think he is setting his stage for freedom, by making me look crazy. I add that this time I was released from hospital immediately upon psych eval, but still humiliating beyond belief after his torment.
He even had an affair with the former police chief and know lots of officers, a fact he reminds me of often. I really need help, wish to not wake up and escape this nightmare is very different than suicide. Would not do that but fear he could engineer it to look like I did. He is worried about his reputation and legacy as he puts it.
No thought for mine.
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